My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
