woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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