I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
