How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
