You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
