He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
