Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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