oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
