I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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