I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
