Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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