he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
