CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize