Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
