I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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