You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
