I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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