while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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