finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
