I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
