dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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