return my video game
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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