The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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