Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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