I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You can't motorboat a personality
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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