what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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