All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
