i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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