Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
