just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bring me that man meat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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