so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
