i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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