shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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