Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The beer is more important than you right now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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