I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
