I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
