she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.