Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.

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(306): I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher. http://tfl.nu/r85b

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(563): View more from Iowa

I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death

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(563): I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death http://tfl.nu/f03y

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(515): View more from Iowa

You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype

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(515): You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype http://tfl.nu/ca23

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(818): View more from California

Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.

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(818): Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me. http://tfl.nu/23e4

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(509): View more from Washington

I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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(509): I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have? http://tfl.nu/03l6

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.

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(612): Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/coa8

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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(717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr

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(440): View more from Ohio

As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

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(440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun

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(732): View more from New Jersey

just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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(732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02

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(504): View more from Louisiana

open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me

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(504): open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me http://tfl.nu/k62l

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

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(617): I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition. http://tfl.nu/v2i1

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(678): View more from Georgia

We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER

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(678): We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER http://tfl.nu/fxy8

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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(803): I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/6l9f

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

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(815): I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life. http://tfl.nu/262m

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(810): View more from Michigan

Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is

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(810): Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is http://tfl.nu/6mxi

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