Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.

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(415): View more from California

I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.

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(216): View more from Ohio

So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail

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(816): View more from Missouri

At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

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(989): View more from Michigan

He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

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(623): View more from Arizona

There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.

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