I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Shame is for Republicans.
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