I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
someone owes me an orgasm
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick