Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

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  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5452) Bad night (1503)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

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  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
  Replies (9) Good night (999) Bad night (2917)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (1116) Bad night (5270)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see

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  (843): it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see http://tfl.nu/5bmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (3329)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6576) Bad night (1214)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.

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  (850): Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing. http://tfl.nu/n4ke
  Replies (18) Good night (4178) Bad night (1766)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (3499)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.

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  (253): I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight. http://tfl.nu/gw0c
  Replies (4) Good night (2022) Bad night (665)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls

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  (832): Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls http://tfl.nu/30m5
  Replies (11) Good night (1158) Bad night (601)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.

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  (904): In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name. http://tfl.nu/nb8i
  Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (529)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.

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  (843): Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/zg5q
  Replies (5) Good night (1277) Bad night (481)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.

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  (918): Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE. http://tfl.nu/pg7d
  Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (410)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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  (541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (274)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot

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  (712): When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot http://tfl.nu/4agl
  Replies (2) Good night (1549) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.

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  (320): If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot. http://tfl.nu/mrn3
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (485)

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