I cockslap morals
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink