dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story