$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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