Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
