my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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