I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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