so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
