I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize