Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
