I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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