Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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