Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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