You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
