watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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