just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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