It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
