Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
