We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
