it hurts more in the daytime
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We need to get me chipped asap
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
