I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
