Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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