I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
