fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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