One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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