Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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