I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
