shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
