Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
