Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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