i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He shit in the fireplace
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
