I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize