Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
